Rave: Randall's Animal Planet

Hola readers!

Yes it's been a minute. Last time we spoke I was desperately trying to keep a lid on my hate jar, while the world around me succumbed to the cruel icy stylings of Old Man Winter. We all know my feelings on winter but yesterday was the first day over 85 degrees and my reptilian heart began to thaw.

* summersummersummersummer!

Yesterday was like when you're waiting for a blind date and they're really late. You've ordered a drink but you can't drink it too fast or you'll look like a sad alcoholic and you wish you had a goddamned smartphone to play with. Finally, your blind date appears and is so smoking hot that you immediately forget that you were recently wishing that their progeny would be conjoined twins (who were also giant ranga douches who can't spell). Yesterday was like that; so glorious that I would have forgiven it even if it had chosen to end with a Devil's Whirl.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I am finally crawling out of my funk, coming out of hibernation if you will. I finished getting my learn on at Katherine Gibbs for this semester, and my work at the Department of Engineering a Terrifying Tomorrow is going on its annual summer hiatus - so I'm free! Freer than that crazy, shoe-licking man on the subway!

* This beats Manimal's famous spit shine, no question

So expect plenty of posts coming your way. I'm having a staycation this summer, no going rogue for me. In the meantime, enjoy a new favorite of mine: a man named Randall who narrates nature videos the way they should be narrated all the time. He is basically my id.

**Honey Badger don't give a shit.

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i just want to conquer people and their souls

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