Friday, February 12, 2010

Rant: Winter

I hate winter. Fucking hate it.

I hate people who say winter is their "favorite season". I HATE YOU. GO AWAY - NEVER COME BACK! They're just giant liars. They are deriving pleasure from being contrary, that's all it is.

No-one likes winter. I try and go to my happy place when people start their, "Oh isn't it great to feel the changing seasons! I love the "crisp" feeling of a winter's day. I'm going to take my girl/boyfriend to the park to sled and drink hot chocolate" spiels.

Screw. You.

No-one can possibly enjoy feeling their skin peeling off from their lips and faces for at least 4 months of the year.

No-one thinks that having to wear protective long johns and the sartorial equivalent of a sleeping bag every day is awesome.

No-one likes the feeling of stepping off the curb and realizing that what you thought was the road is actually an ankle deep ice puddle (also known as urban quicksand).

Nature knows what's up; every other living thing either dies, sleeps or flies away when winter comes along. Not us humans, the so-called superior species. We just don mittens and soldier on. Fools!

I will grant you that winter is nice ONLY on the first snow of the season when everyone runs around sticking their tongues out trying to catch a radioactive snowflake. However, I think that many people keep this image in their heads to justify enjoying winter, instead of acknowledging the day-to-day soul-crushing misery of these polar months. Kind of like Plato and his chair, our romantic notion of what winter is, is in stark contrast with the reality of frozen boogers and that burny sensation when the feeling returns to one's extremities.

Case in point:
"Winter" in Brooklyn:

Winter in Brooklyn:


The above is a picture I snapped of the disgusting frozen obstacle course I have tackled on my way to the subway for the last 5 days.

You know what can happen in winter? This:


What car-related shennanigans does Summer offer?

Case CLOSED.

To sum up:

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