Rant and Rave: Teens booty shaking in cemetery

Sometimes, something comes along which leaves me speechless. I don't know whether this is a rant or a rave. Alls I do know is that my life will never be the same.

How apropos that on the eve of the Academy Awards, a video would emerge which represents all of the ideals of modern cinematography. Yes sir, the director and cast of "Dead Wrong Teens Booty Shake On People's Graves All Up in the Cemetary" have really set the bar high.

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Wish List: Wine Lanyard

Ohboyohboyohboy!! I don't really think I need to explain why I want this: It leaves my hands free for mayhem! The Wine Lanyard is officially replacing the "Bottle of Wine Glass" on my 2010 Christmas List. Take note, friends! Unless they make a Bottle of Wine Glass Lanyard, that is!

Rave: My Bucket List

Readers, While I may now be in a period of stable employ, it has not always been this way. Luckily for me, the large urban bureaucracy which hired me has more than enough psychos to keep them busy before they get to an insignificant curmudgeon like myself. However, before landing in this coven of uselessness (where even I look like I dwell in the upper echelons of effectiveness) I toiled in a mindblowing array of menial jobs. In fact, readers, I am a little like the Imelda Marcos of jobs: collecting positions and stashing the memory of them in my own mental walk-in closet of nightmares. My experience is so vast and varied that (to extend the previous metaphor) to retrieve the memory of a specific job I would require one of those Clueless -style wardrobe computers to sort through my past jobs based on categories like "hemisphere", "level of meniality", and "humiliation?" before it would hit a match and the electric motor would whirr, bringing the long...

Travel Tips: Tas-Mania! (Part 1)

For this episode of Travel Tips I have the honor of introducing you, my beloved readers, to a very special corner of the world: Tas-mania! (Don't you think they should write it this way officially? It adds a little je ne sais quoi to proceedings). The "Apple Isle" as they call it, is a small crop of land which is separated from the World's Most Livable City by a deadly strip of water known as the Bass Strait. This violent pelagic mass is so terrifying that even my daredevil step father balked at taking his fabled homemade sea kayak out into its waters. However, nature seems to have a reason for such precautions: if the mainland were to know about all of the amazing attractions Tasmania had to offer, Van Diemen's Land would be overrun by throngs of tourists. Consequently, Tasmania is pretty much left to its own devices (according to my shower curtain which deems it a whole 'nother country): T *An aside: This is not the only choice made by the shower cur...

i just want to conquer people and their souls

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