Wednesday, April 7, 2010

List: Embarassing Stuff Which Makes Me Cry

When I first began this blog, I mentioned how under my stoic antipodean exterior lies a ball of sentimental goo waiting to be prodded. While I may not reveal my true emotions very often, there are some things that get me every time, namely in the form of cheesy movie scenes.

When I had the inspiration for this post, we were in the midst of the Winter Olympics. Ergo, the instance of "stuff that will make me misty" was at code orange. In fact, it was this very commercial which galvanized me into writing:

What?? Are you serious? His daughter...Jane. That. is. too.much. Morgan Freeman, you should hang your head, sir. Using that voice for such shameless tear-jerking. Go World, indeed. Go to Hell World, for using a man's personal tragedy to sell me a Visa card is more like it.

More often than not, scenes which make me teary have one of the following elements: a slow clap, the Olympics, an underdog, a family reunion or a parent being proud of their child. Take away from that what you will.

I don't claim this list to be definitive, but it's a brief glimpse into my psyche. Spoiler Alert! It's real scary in there.

1. Rudy
Who doesn't emote when Rudy makes the sack? Serial killers, that's who.

2. Family Reunions

I could not find Salt Man from Home Alone and his moving reunion with his estranged son so I went with an equally awesome example: The end of Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

Oh man, the combination of the tears of a clown (Del Griffith) and a Paul Young song (the soundtrack to many an uncomfortable Sunday drive with my parents) is almost too much for me.

"Hello, Mrs. Page". Gah.

3. Cool Runnings.
Daang, John Candy seems to figure prominently in this post. This also has a slow clap which always pushes me over the edge.

4. Thomas J.'s Funeral.

Ah, My Girl. No-one really remembers this story of an outcast boy-girl BFF summer. The scene where Vada wanders into Thomas J.'s funeral (he died from bee stings while he was looking for her mood ring in the woods- one of my top ten fears. The bee sting part, not the lost mood ring) is so super sad. "Where are his glasses?", indeed.

5. Mr. Miyagi's face when Daniel-san wins.

Stupid Cobra Kai. They play dirty and use an illegal leg kick to cripple lovable Daniel LaRusso in the finals. However, Daniel can't be taken out so easily and keeps hobbling back for more punishment. In the final round LaRusso faces off against Johnny Lawrence played by ultimate 80s movie villain William Zabka pictured below:

*An aside: As I performed a cursory William Zabka search, I stumbled across the amazingness pictured below. I doff my cap to you sir (or madam) for etching not only a picture of Billy Zabka, but a picture of Billy Zabka dressed as Johnny Lawrence dressed as a skeleton for Halloween on your person for eternity. Bravo!

When Daniel uses the age-old Crane Kick to defeat the low-down tactics of Kobra Kai sensai John Kreese, it is not only a victory for Daniel, it is a victory for all of us. Miyagi knows this and, though he doesn't say it, his face at the end of The Karate Kid speaks volumes.

Finally, thanks to my friend B$$, please feast your eyes on this fantastic music video written and directed by Mr. Zabka. I don't know why he hasn't won major recognition for this beauty.

6. Milo and Otis
I hope you will all talk to me after this list. What began as a lighthearted lark has quickly devolved into a humiliating exercise in self flagellation. Exhibit A: Milo and Otis. When I first saw this film about a cheeky cat and a pug-faced Richard the Lionheart, I probably cried like 75 times. It is also narrated by the eminent Dudley Moore, adding a sense of gravitas to proceedings.

I decided to use the video below, rather than one scene because 1) I like the incongruous choice of Soul Asylum's song about teenage runaways and 2) it has all the cute bits (frogs! crab attack!) in one three minute and fifty three second package.

7. Japanese Condom commercials
I don't really have anything to explain myself here, this is just a really nice condom commercial, you guys.

Well, there you have it. I am lame.


  1. The Simpsons episode where Bleeding Gums Murphy dies always gets me. Poor Lisa.

    Also the part where Scarlett is running home through the fog when she finally realizes that Ashley is a bum and Rhett is the man.

    And the Over The Rainbow end scene from You've Got Mail.

  2. Oh my god, Bleeding Gums Murphy's death is devastating! In the same vein, I always emote when Mr. Bergstrom the substitute teacher leaves Lisa that note.

    As for Scarlett, the fact that his name was Ashley should have been a big enough clue that he was a bitch. I would definitely share a McFlurry with Rhett, but I always liked some Gabriel Oak myself. Can't beat a dependable shepherd.

    I am excited for my blog's first You've Got Mail reference, I'm sure it won't be the last.

  3. I forgot about A League Of Their Own. I could make a list based on that movie alone. Kit rounding third, Madonna taking a stand and etlling the guy she won't go back to stripping, the old women meeting again at the museum, when Betty Spaghetti's husband dies. No crying in baseball indeed.

  4. Yes!
    A League of Their Own. Betty Spaghetti's husband dying is the worst. And how Jimmy Dugan tells her himself - oh man.