i just want to conquer people and their souls

Readers, While I may now be in a period of stable employ, it has not always been this way. Luckily for me, the large urban bureaucracy which hired me has more than enough psychos to keep them busy before they get to an insignificant curmudgeon like myself. However, before landing in this coven of uselessness (where even I look like I dwell in the upper echelons of effectiveness) I toiled in a mindblowing array of menial jobs. In fact, readers, I am a little like the Imelda Marcos of jobs: collecting positions and stashing the memory of them in my own mental walk-in closet of nightmares. My experience is so vast and varied that (to extend the previous metaphor) to retrieve the memory of a specific job I would require one of those Clueless -style wardrobe computers to sort through my past jobs based on categories like "hemisphere", "level of meniality", and "humiliation?" before it would hit a match and the electric motor would whirr, bringing the long...

It's MLK day! Thanks to the good doctor for battling for civil rights and all that great stuff. Here's how I felt when I woke up and realized I didn't have work today:

When I say Mekong, you say "quagmire". Mekong! Yes kids, I finally made it happen. I, Veronica Montebellucci managed to travel to my spiritual home, a place of rash decisions and destruction: the Mighty Mekong! * This is how I left it... For those new to my weblog, I spent this summer on a "working holiday" (as my mother so hopefully put it) in Thailand, but along the way went rogue many a time. One such instance was when my wife (as the youth of today call their close female friends) and I decided, on the spur of the moment, to go to Laos. We both thought that it would be fun to go rogue in the roguiest place of all. And so, after packing up our bindles and taking our dust baths we left the delights of Northern Siam, including our elephant friends: and my jeans (prompting me to finally figure out the title of my future autobiography: I Left My Jeans in Chiang Mai - The Veronica Montebellucci Story. Don't judge, everyone should decide on one. Manimal...

I nominate "Merchant of Death" and hirsute gent,  Viktor Bout  . I wish I looked this good after getting off an international flight. Sigh.

Readers, is there anything better than karaoke? Exposing your id for all to see and trilling theatrically like a modern day Aoide for your adoring audience? I have never felt emotions of the intensity I did when performing an impromptu, yet sultry, rendition of Tonight, I Celebrate My Love For You with Fanny Ong, a Chinese DJ (and budding pyramid schemer) who had clearly been awed by my prior performances. I take my karaoke very seriously.  I am not a gifted singer but dammit if I don't give it my all. And really, that is the most crucial part of karaoke. As Mae West herself said, "An ounce of performance is worth a pound of promises" (I don't think she was talking about karaoke, but still). And so, dear readers, I wish to pass on to you my karaoke wisdom which has been accumulated through years of trial and error. I've experienced the highest highs where one feels like Gaia giving birth to the sky, and the lowest lows when you relate more to Gerri Halliwell whe...

I just thought I would alert you, readers, to my absolute new favorite thing. I have a Google Analytics account which lets  me monitor many interesting facts about ijustwanttoconquerpeopleandtheirsouls . I can tell, for example, that I have a reader in the Faroe Islands (awww yeah!), or exactly how many people navigate away hastily after realizing where they are (answer: a lot). But easily the most entertaining report is the one which lets me see what search items have led people here. What are people trying to find when they inadvertently end up at my virtual doorstep?  It is in this data, friends, that my own psychoticness is laid bare in front of me. For example, these are the top search items from this week: 1. "old man marley" cat poster 1.00 00:00:00 100.00% 100.00% 2. 13th century fighter images 1 3.00 00:00:51 100.00% 0.00% 3. businessman subway 1 1.00 00:00:00 100.00% 100.00% 4. conquer people and their souls 1 2.00 00:00:07 100.00% 0.00% 5. find a mis...

Ah Cambodia, or Kampuchea for those of us who were born before the 1990s. The name alone conjures up visions of ancient temples, jungles and Maddox Jolie-Pitt. As part of my recent sojourn to the area (which I have dubbed "South East Asia: Unsubmitted") I was fortunate enough to spend a few days in this fabulous country and, as always, am here to give you a little advice, Montebellucci-style. My  wife  and I arrived full of anticipation at the Siem Reap International Airport after a few idyllic days in  Luang Prabang , Laos (also known as The Best Place In The World). Compared to Luang Prabang's "airport" which consisted of 5 cerulean colored chairs and a woman who checked our luggage manually, Siem Reap seemed like a bastion of modernity. *an aside: although the airport itself was slightly behind the times, its awesome policy of walking across open tarmac does make one feel like Mick Jagger, or a convict being transported by  JPATS . At Siem Reap airport ...